Adult Dad Jokes

Darth Vader tell his favorite adult dad joke

The best adult dad jokes from all over the internet

We have look everywhere for adult dad jokes that are actually funny. There are many dirty dad jokes out there that we did not add to this curated list, simply because they are not funny. Just because it's crude does not make it funny. But enough of the dad jokes that didn't make it. Go ahead and have a laugh at these hilarious puns and oneliners. Just don't share them with any kids!

• What were the utensils doing stuck together? Spooning.


• What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming? “Want to see if it fits?”


• What does a sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we’re closed.


• How are push-up bras like bags of chips? When you open them, you realize they’re half empty.


• What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.


• Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.


• What does the horny toad say? Rub it.


• What do you call a nanny with breast implants? A faux-pair.


• What does a hot dog use for protection? Condoments.


• What do you call an Italian hooker? A pasta-tute.


• What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman? Snowballs.


• What is Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat out? Wendy’s.


• What’s the difference between you and an egg? An egg gets laid.


• What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I want you inside me.


• You kind of remind me of my little toe. Why? Sooner or later, I’m going to bang you on a table.


• What is the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss? One is on the lips, while the other’s down under.


• Two women were riding their bicycles down a cobblestone street. One looked around and said to the other, “I don’t believe I’ve ever came this way before.” The other looked at her and replied, “hmm…must be the cobblestones.”


• The other day, I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history to me.


• What’s the best way to embarrass an archaeologist? Hand him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.


• The other day, three men broke into a store and stole all the Viagra. The police sent out an alert to the community, warning residents to be on the lookout for three hardened criminals.


• What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear, the other is a Great Year.


• What gets longer when pulled, works best when jerked and inserts into a slot? A seatbelt.


• What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?


• I get bigger each time you blow me. What am I? A balloon.